Postpartum Anxiety

The silence that followed childbirth was deafening.

A loneliness so profound, it felt like the weight of the world rested on my shoulders.

I had envisioned motherhood as a symphony of joy, but the reality was a melancholy hum.

My body, once a canvas of vibrant life, now bore the marks of time and struggle.

My mind, a maze of thoughts and fears, struggled to find its way.

The visions that haunted me were like dark whispers in the night.

Fears that I couldn't shake, terrors that I couldn't share.

I felt like a shipwrecked sailor, lost at sea, clinging to the wreckage of my sanity.

The weight of responsibility was crushing, the fear of failure suffocating.

In the midst of these fears, I had a vision that shook me to my core – my baby drowning in the pool.

It was a fleeting moment, but the terror lingered, a reminder of the fragility of life and the depth of my fears.

As I navigate motherhood, I'm still grappling with the aftermath of childbirth.

The memories of those early days linger, a bittersweet reminder of the challenges I faced.

I'm learning to cherish the moments with my child, even as I struggle to quiet the fears that whisper in the darkness.

Potty Training: 2025

Hi Family ! I missed you all so much ! I needed to take a break because I have to pay for this website and I felt like no one was looking or really cared about what I had to say or teach. During the past couple months I have realized that success doesn’t come just because we want it, it comes with discipline, consistency and putting in the work even when others aren’t looking. With that being said, not matter if no one is looking I will keep going because one day my voice will matter. Fortunately, this is the last post about potty training because my boy has gotten the hang of this thang!! applause***

We had a brief issue with him pooping on the floor next to the toilet but step 5 helped with that. It is all trial and error, never give up ! These children have autism not a learning disability. All they need is an extra push and little help making connections.

I remained consistent and I did not let up! Let me tell yall everything I have learned through out this process.

The autism spectrum is diverse in its own way, everyone does something different, but some things are the same. For example, most autistic people love water, and to come crashing down. So, I made it my business to figure this out for me and you!

So Here you go sis !

Step 1:

Choose a language

For example, potty and toilet, we know they are the same but this may be confusing to someone with limited language, or mixed expressive and receptive language disorder. So, I suggest choosing one and sticking with that. Same with the many ways to say poop, choose one. Last thing, through out this process it is important no to deviate from the language u choose to use because it may confuse the little one.

Step 2:

Choose a Toilet

I suggest using one toilet in the house. and make it a real one not a potty. Using one toilet in my opinion helped my baby process faster than he was when we went out and tried to potty. I say don’t use a potty because that may end up being another lesson within itself. For example, you teach your baby to use the pot you bought from Walmart and they now are potty trained. Great! But now you have to teach them about the real toilet and that they have to use it there. That not only is hard work, but can cause regression and maladaptive behaviors because baby don’t understand. I hope that makes sense.

Step 3:

Avoid Aversion and Burnout

To avoid aversion and burnout on both ends choose 2-3 days out of the week to train. For Example, Wednesday and Friday from 5p-9p. Also, try not to get upset. An accident is just that, and accident. Teach that baby to clean it up and where to go next time they may feel and urge. I would also look to my other potty training post for more details for Pee and Poo identification.

Step 4:

Training Pants or no Training Pants

No training pants, it provides security and that’s not what we need right now. Underwear or naked is fine so they can feel the wetness of the pee and the squishiness of the poo. Naked helped for me because I could hear the stream hit the floor and react. He had to wear pullups during school, so I bought the cheapest ones I could find. Poor baby booty was itching lol ! I believe making him uncomfortable also sped up this process.

Step 5:

Rewards and Consequences

This is an important step and it is essential not to skip it because you might not get the results you need. There were so many cookies! Celebrate , Celebrate , Celebrate !!! Help them make the connection that they are doing a wonderful job. Just like we need to celebrate so they know they did something good by using the restroom, we need to implement consequences to ensure they know that using it on themselves or on the floor is wrong and nasty. An example of a consequence is making them clean up the mess. this not only helps them learn that if they pee or poop on the floor they have to clean it up vs if they pee or poop in the toilet they can just flush and wash their hands but it helps them make the connection that the mess is coming from them and gives the ability to identify the difference between pee and poo. My son has texture issues so cleaning pee and poo was disgusting for him and it only took 2 week of this before he got it together.

I really hope this helps. Peace and Love,

Marijmama

Potty Training: Week Two

I have learned that with anything in life there will be obstacles that we all will have to face. During this potty training journey with my child I have faced many obstacles and have sought not only advice from my peers but also educated ways to face those issues. This week the obstacles remain. How do we get a child who does not speak his needs successfully potty trained? I believe all of the things that we have implemented in this journey is working. The pictures, touching the wetness of the underwear, consequences and rewards. The occupational therapist did say to celebrate like never before when he does actually go. this isn’t our first go with potty training we tried twice before. The first time we stopped because he fell very ill to the point where he lost 10 lbs and suffered regression. So he has actually used the potty before you just see us completely starting over because of the regression. The second time I was feeling discouraged. mainly because, how do you potty train someone when you work a full time job. night shift and he goes to school during the day. So I decided to wait until he showed some interest in the toilet. Then I would teach him how to use it. He started to show interest by sitting on the toilet, trying to flush it, and putting things inside the toilet. You know when you got to go real bad, and start to squirm around all crazy? Yea, one day he was doing that. so, naturally I asked if he had to pee and showed him the picture. I took him to the restroom yall and he went ! I am so excited for him! One thing I know for sure I want for my child is for him to be independent and able to take care of himself. This is a major step in achieving that goal. We celebrated that achievement then and there. Yes SIR! I can’t wait to see how he will communicate he needs to go. I wonder if he will just go. Now that I know his body language for pee, how do I know he has to poop? I saw similar questions in the mom groups w no answers. So, this should be a very interesting part of the journey. I believe my baby uses more of his left brain in his everyday life. So, logic would be the best way to go about this. That means being consistent and staying the course. I need to be sure I am using the correct and same language with him daily so he understands exactly what I expect. it has been another beautiful week learning with this beautiful little soul. I pray he is this understanding his entire life. Amen.

Peace and Love,

Keekee Baxstrum

Potty Training: Week One

I was going to talk to yall about my experiences potty training by the day but no. Sometimes as a mother, wife and employee I have to remind myself of all of the things I have on my plate. Friday was the most recent potty training day and let me just say I have learned a lot. Do yall remember I said I was going to clock how many times he went a day, or how long it took for him to go? Yea? Well, I am still at a loss here. He had an accident about 30m after I put him in underwear. So I was like “okay every thirty minutes is insane”, but we will see. naturally I decided to take him every 30m to see if he would go, and It was a fail. He had another accident but I don’t know how long that was since the last time. I forgot to set a timer because I had the 30m timer set and while I was waiting on that there was a mess. I think I need another approach. consistency is key so i’ve been trying to do everything to the T. I did do something different today yall. After his accident I had him touch the wetness of his underwear, then showed him the picture of the pee. Next thing I did was sat him on the toilet and verbally explained “this is where you need to pee”. showing him the picture with one hand and touching the wetness of his underwear with the other hand. I also implemented a consequence, if he makes a mess he had to clean it up. just with a rag, I went behind with him the actual cleaning stuff and cleaned it properly. I feel like adding those two extra things will help him realize a mess is being made and how. Honestly, we didn’t make a break through or anything Friday but I have a good feeling about Wednesday. That day I was feeling a little bit overwhelmed. its so hard sometimes not being able to verbally communicate with your child. you know? I talk to him and just pray everyday that he will talk back. The facts are that my child has disabilities but I will not let them hinder him from being a great person. I will not let my Childs disabilities stop me from talking to him. Nor will I allow them to hinder my teachings. He may have disabilities but learning is not one of them and we learned that early on. We have faced potty training head on this week and will continue to do so. everyday we make a choice lets make them consciously.

Peace and Love,

Keekee Baxstrum

Potty Training: Day 1

Since my baby don’t talk, I decided to potty train him at specific times of the day, so he could understand exactly what I wanted from him. So I chose when its just me and him in the house. Wednesday and Friday, 5pm to 9pm, every 45 minutes. I also ordered these potty training pictures off of amazon. The occupational therapist recommended we try those. So, we started off with underwear today. I know ! like what a dangerous game to play right? Nope ! im ready ! I can’t change no more poop LORD! I show him the pictures, show him the pot, you know the basics. some stuff he already knew so I kind of felt a little slow showing him like, “ThIs iS ThE PoTtY”. I don’t care though, because I don’t want no confusion when it come down to this. the first accident was my fault, because I forgot we was potty training for a second. The second accident happened not even two minutes of me taking him off the pot! like LORD ! where the underwear at? Third times a charm right ? No, because it is 8:30p and now I am watching for anything that could possibly indicate that he has to go. You know he had another accident but we both new at this so its okay. Today I learned that, 1: I need to set an alarm so I don’t forget. 2: I need to watch for body language to know if he gotta go. 3 maybe the time structure should be shorter. so I would need to take him every 20m instead of every 45m. I am also thinking I should time the accidents, to see how often he goes through out the day. Patience and grace will be key in my baby learning this new skill. I always say as I am teaching him new life skills, he is also teaching me new parenting skills.

Peace and Love,

Keekee Baxstrum